More Books than Time

Book Reviews - Romance, Fantasy, Science Fiction - By an Adult for Adults

For Two Nights Only – Tom Holt – This Defines Snarky

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If the dictionary of slang needs to define “Snarky” they only need to point to this book, For Two Nights Only, an omnibus containing Overtime and Grailblazers.  I needed a book to take to the beach and this one has gathered dust ever since I bought it 8 years ago and couldn’t get past page 5, so it volunteered to be my read for the day.

This time I managed to finish both novels.  In fact I got mostly through Overtime that afternoon and enjoyed enough that I finished it later that week and read Grailblazers a couple weeks later.  These stories are reasonably funny but I don’t recommend a steady diet of them.  It’s entertainment that makes you feel a little crawly afterwards.

At one time I loved Tom Holt’s books, especially Who’s Afraid of Beowulf, but got tired of the endless feeling of sitting on a mountain watching the idiots go by while making smug little pokes and jabs.  Holt’s novels will not help you develop the virtues of kindness and charity.

The plots are convoluted with characters coming and going (sometimes simultaneously).  I read once that P. G. Wodehouse used to chart his plots out on big poster-sized papers all over the walls.  I wonder how Tom Holt does his since they get a bit tangled.

Overtime

Overtime is screwy.  We start off with Guy Goodlet, RAF pilot during WW2 losing fuel and altitude over France, but quickly bring in the main character, John De Nesle, who is really Blondel, the troubadour who found King Richard the Lion Hearted by singing under every castle in Europe.  Except this Blondel is under contract to the nefarious financiers at 32A Beaumont Street who have figured snazzy ways to avoid tax by shifting money between centuries.

The book gets confusing after this.  The Beaumont Street folks and Blondel are at odds and Blondel isn’t crazy about the endless concerts and wants to get on with finding King Richard.  He has managed to build a castle with a door that can access any era (or no era at all which is dangerous) and is alternately ducking from and running into the Beaumont Street team.

King Richard has been cooped up in a dank dark dungeon for the last 800 years or so but is almost done with his tunnel, needing only another 5 or 6 years to complete it (it takes time when you have to hide the excavated dirt and the only place to do so is in sacks woven from spider web (as noted, it’s complicated)) when his kind dungeon warden decides to move him to a better cell.  Meanwhile the Pope and Anti-Pope (same person, just separated by death and many centuries) are conspiring with the Beaumont Street gang to do something nefarious.

Needless to say we have lots of adventures and narrow escapes and eventually Blondel frees King Richard, Guy marries Blondel’s sister; we don’t know what happens to the Beaumont Street team or the Popes, but probably they make a fortune one more time.

This was entertaining but wacky and confusing.  If you read it just take it as it comes, ignore the nutty parts and confusing shifts in time, place, identity and motive, and enjoy it.  And remember, you do want to sell those Templar bonds for the 2nd Crusade in 1189, and not wait for 1190!

Grailblazers

Grailblazers started off lighthearted and funny but it quickly got all tangled up and sad and a bit pointless. It reminded me of the dreams you have that seem so real until you wake up and realize how disjointed and floppy they were.

The premise here is that the Knights of the Round Table who were charged to go find the Grail are still looking for it, just not very hard.  In fact they are more interested in delivering pizzas and in whose turn it is to drive the van.  The 32A Beaumont Street finance villains reappear except this time they are from Atlantis and are shysters.  (The 32A Beaumont Street people were on the up-and-up, at least in the sense that their clients kept their money and made more.  The Atlantis people sold securities in companies that magically went bankrupt the next hour.)

Besides the Knights and Atlantis crooks we have a dwarf, another dwarf in a cameo role, Santa Claus and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (albeit both under different names), Merlin (also under different names), Joseph of Arimathea (mostly under his own name) and assorted other villains, fools and ambling-about-the-side-of-the-road people.

I liked this book at first but it got sad as it got goofy and the ending was not at all happy.  The good guys and villains are not so easy to tell apart and we have Simon Magus showing up to magically wrap everything up with a bow.  Overall not one of Holt’s better novels.

Short Stories from Intergalactic Crime to Cat Rescues Novellas Kira Bacal

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I love trying new authors and one of the best ways is to browse the free or cheap books for my Nook.  Kira Bacal is a doctor who worked at NASA and the Senate before moving to New Zealand.  She published seven free Nook novellas, all enjoyable, easy reads.   I’ll cover three in this post.

All I Need to Know about the Earth, I Learned in Kindergarten

What do you do when you’re an intergalactic criminal and need a safe, quiet hideaway?  Why come to Earth and teach kindergarten of course.  “Miss Buttercup” is leading her classroom out to catch their buses home when one of the kids steps into the road, right in front of a car.  Miss Buttercup can move much faster than humans and rescues the child, however there is a witness:  Mrs. Weinbaum, an 80 year old crossing guard.

Mrs. Weinbaum asks Miss Buttercup to come to her home where they agree to a mutually advantageous outcome.

This story is not deep but it is well-written and entertaining.  I enjoyed Miss Buttercup and her penchant for helping her human students and would love to read a longer story with her as a main character.

Look What the Cat Dragged In

Would you answer the door during a howling blizzard if you live alone in a remote cabin?  Our main character does and lets in a young kitten she names Amber.  Amber has deformed front legs that don’t let her walk normally and our heroine is mildly curious how she managed to make it to her doorstep before freezing in the snow.

A few weeks later she learns the answer when Amber’s real people show up…

I liked the characters in this one too, but especially enjoyed the ambiguity around the pronouns “She is protecting it”.  Who is the “she” and who is the “it”?  This was a fun fast read, possibly the weakest of the stories yet well worth the time.

The Ananaki

This one was different from the others.  Still had a science fiction background, but the main character is a fishing captain on a backward planet.  Some unscrupulous folks convinced the locals they were “gods”, “Ananaki” and provided an amulet and altar for communication and punishment.

Luckily for our hero his latest passenger, a rescued young man, does not believe in the Ananaki and damages the altar.  That damages causes the amulet to instead contact a military or police vessel (we never learn who) that manages to disabuse the natives of the Ananaki’s perfection and removes the Ananaki from the planet.

I enjoyed the dialogue and the style of this one very much.  The story was good and we learned just enough of the people to see there was trouble afoot.  The “gods” were mean and greedy, not the sort anyone wants around.  The middle of the novella dragged just a bit when the captain and his rescued atheist argue but the rest was very good.

All told I’d give these 4 to 5 stars.  Excellent, fun reads, perfect to spend a few minutes enjoyably.

Note to readers:  For some reason the spell checker in Word Press isn’t working very well – or else I”m not making any typos or misspellings.  Ha, not too likely!

Something Missing, Contemporary Fun Fiction by Matthew Dicks

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Here’s a book I just loved, Something Missing: A Novel.  No, it’s not science fiction, nor fantasy.  It’s not really a mystery either.  And it’s definitely not one of those “oh I’m so miserable and want to make you miserable too” novels (thank heavens).  It’s fun with a great character, Martin.

An Unusual Occupation

Do you know how many rolls of toilet paper or sticks of butter you have?  How about those towels you got as a gift five years ago?  Still there?  Do you have stuff in the back of your closet you would never miss?  I know I do.

So do Martin’s clients.  You see, Martin makes his living by visiting his clients every week or two and taking just things that he knows no one will miss.  That can of soup, wedding gift china, diamond earrings.  Martin is a thief with a most unusual business model.  For one thing he knows what a business model is and has carefully planned his out.  He knows exactly how to enter a home undetected and how to leave.  He knows how determine which items are safe and plans carefully when to acquire them.  He reads clients’ mail and their diaries, knows their vacation plans and upcoming trips to the dentist.

Martin is OCD in spades.  He has a definite schedule and an acquisition plan for each client.  He takes meticulous care to leave no DNA evidence behind and comes and goes at different times and routes.  He also flosses five times a day and avoids doorknobs.

Besides being OCD and fanatical about hygiene, Martin has a wonderful imagination.  He built an entire persona to sell his acquisitions on eBay.  He dreams that the waitress at his favorite breakfast spot likes him and that her “see you tomorrow” is a date.  He uses this imagination to think through risks and plan his day, but his secret dream is to write.   Martin’s cover story for his friends is that he writes instruction manuals, but he really wants to write novels.

The Plot Thickens….

Martin could continue this way forever except he knocks his client’s electric toothbrush into the toilet.  Appalled at the idea of her using it with residual fecal material, Martin runs to the store, buys a replacement, and almost gets caught returning the replacement.

The plot thickens from here.  Martin took the first step to get involved with his clients and his next step takes him further into their lives.  He saves a surprise birthday party and finds a girl to love.  All well and good, and he can still tell himself that his clients are just that, clients, not people.

Then he discovers one client is being stalked by a rapist.  Now what?  Martin follows his heart and saves the day at considerable cost to him.

Wonderful Characters and Dialogue

Martin is priceless, one of the best characters I’ve come across lately.  The dialogue is outstanding – and realize that most dialogue occurs in Martin’s mind.   It is hard to believe that Something Missing is Matthew Dick’s first novel.  It reads like a polished, complete story, with well-done characters and fast pace.

My thanks to Amy Peveto of Bookzilla for recommending Somethihttp://amzn.to/2HnrtGJng Missing.  It was great, thanks Amy!

4 Stars

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